Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

constancy by ~redpapermoon:iconredpapermoon:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > General > Free & Blank Verse


constancy:
to be spread out over white sheets
eyes wide awake

when afternoon knocks at my door, I will be
the picture of stability.
concrete hands, heart, frame
crumbling into an industrial skeleton
and wishing I was soft as broken soil,
the wind and water leaving bite marks at my edges.

it's five a.m.
and I feel
anything but human
©2005-2010 ~redpapermoon
:iconredpapermoon:

Author's Comments

now that it's autumn

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconattesa:
~Attesa Oct 14, 2006, 11:17:09 PM
I really enjoyed this. The ending was perfectly detatched to make it hit hard and the middle stanza was beautifully put together. My one suggestion would be: where you say

"concrete hands, heart, frame
crumbling into an industrial skeleton"

I would use a different word than frame. The bodily frame would be the skeleton, would it not? Having this word there seems like you were just searching for anything that would fit, rather than taking time to relate the objects to your theme. Or at least it makes it a little confusing.

Anyways, tiny little thing. Just a thought really. Nicely Done.

--
So you're here.

Now what?
:iconexquisiteoath:
~exquisiteoath Jul 14, 2006, 10:51:04 AM
Came to you through the Unknown Artist project.... and very glad I did.

Congrats on the selection.

--
The promise: to live.
:iconmyseity:
~mySeity Jul 10, 2006, 11:51:27 AM
I really like the psuedo-definition you begin with, which in turn draws us into the rest of the poem. I can relate to the 2nd stanza, and and wishing I was soft as broken soil,
the wind and water leaving bite marks at my edges.

is just wonderful. Congrats.

--
To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. -Emily Dickinson
:iconsarudle:
~Sarudle Jul 8, 2006, 10:13:44 PM
Beautiful. You deserved the UA.
:iconlicorice-sama:
~Licorice-Sama Jul 6, 2006, 8:17:50 PM
You are able to accomplish so much with so little, and it's amazing. I love the middle stanza the most, for the rich imagery, but I love the way the first pulls us in.

"Crumbling into an industrial skeleton" is probably my favorite image.

I relate completely to this kind of resigned tone... and I agree with Yami-no-Malik... something Nietzche. ^.~

Beautiful work. So glad I found this.

Luvs and Such,
Licorice

--
"Not granting me the Nobel Prize has become a Scandinavian tradition; since I was born-- August 24, 1899--they have not been granting it to me."
~Jorge Luis Borges
:iconwhtmage:
~whtmage Jul 6, 2006, 8:33:56 AM
I feel tired just reading this, I like it!

--
Innocence is overrated.
:icongundamforce:
~Gundamforce Jul 6, 2006, 1:45:34 AM
Very nice.

--
Many will fight for true love. But only few will succeed.

B.T.W. I looked at your gallery in amazment now go look at mine in amazement or in ultimate terror! --------->[link]
:iconburni-diru-noh:
~Burni-Diru-Noh Jul 5, 2006, 11:18:29 AM
Oh wow! This piece really evokes thought from the mind! Awesome job!

--
I have autism. I speak for myself. Autism Speaks DOES NOT!
:iconyami-no-malik:
~Yami-no-Malik Jul 4, 2006, 1:04:46 AM
Absolutely beautiful.
my fav: "when afternoon knocks at my door, I will be
the picture of stability."
there's something Nietzsche over this...

--
signature? [link]
Previous Page123Next Page

Found in these Groups:

Not currently found in a Group

Details

October 9, 2005
504 bytes

Statistics

21
23 [who?]
1,418 (0 today)
51 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map

©2010 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy